Habits Fuel Purpose – Part 2: The Importance of Self-Reflection

In this last post, we began to explore the connection between purpose and habits, especially the fact we must develop habits that keep us aligned to our larger purpose. In the end, cultivating this connection between purpose and habits will strengthen our ability to come through any change a more resilient person.

The key question remains – What practical ways can we strengthen the purpose – habit connection?  

First, let’s dive deeper into purpose. In a thought-provoking article entitled “Has Performance Become Your Purpose” business leader Kevin Cashman defines purpose as an intersection of “distinguishing talents and our deepest-held values”. He goes on to note that purpose is “our authenticity in-service to something larger."  Honestly, it is often easy to identify “something larger” (e.g. having a healthy relationship with our children or successfully leading a new initiative at work), but it is surprisingly tricky to figure out practical skills to realize this larger purpose. Habits fuel purpose. It isn’t enough to merely declare that you want to impact “something larger”, you must identify the practical habits or “distinguishing talents” you will use to make progress towards that larger purpose.  

The first habit we each should consider is self-reflection. 

I can’t overstate the fact that if we are in danger of wasting our change, it is often because we don’t give ourselves space to reflect on how the change is impacting us personally. 

Regardless of where you are in the cycle of your change, you will benefit from being honest with yourself about how the change is impacting you. It can be keeping a personal journal like the one I wrote after leaving Minnesota or making time to talk with a good friend about how you are dealing with the changes you are going through. 

Regardless of how you self-reflect, we each need space to think about where we have come from, where we are going and what we want to take with us in our next season – whether a stage in life or project at work. In this self-reflection, you may also find bad habits have prevented you from having the impact you originally envisioned. If that’s the case, you may start by reflecting on the simple connection between your calendar and your purpose. Did the way you spent your time reflect that “something larger” that you want to impact? If you fell short, which we all do, take time to reflect on the good habits you want to put in place to improve in the next season.  

Often the missing habits won’t be surprising (e.g. consistently getting enough sleep or learning to say “no” to your boss’ requests for commitments outside your current project), but the ability to improve these habits may be confusing. Cashman is correct, that our “deepest held values” play a significant part of fueling our purpose. If you are struggling to overcome a bad habit, go back to these values to help you remember the “something larger” that you want to achieve through your habits. Beyond this “something larger” you must find other external influences from other people to provide accountability that encourages your good habits. In my next post, I plan to explore the role that a personal support network plays in providing this accountability.   

In the meantime, I welcome your comments on self-reflection. 

How has self-reflection helped your ability to stay aligned with your larger purpose? 

What are the most effective ways you've found to be self reflective?



Originally published here via LinkedIn on August 4, 2017

Habits Fuel Purpose

In my previous post on resilience, I noted the importance of purpose in empowering anyone to successfully emerge from any change. Purpose gives us power to “focus beyond our immediate circumstances or feelings.” The good news is that purpose not only calls us outside of our immediate context, but there are habits that can improve our ability to stay in the path of purpose. One of those habits is that of self-reflection.

We are in danger of wasting our change, if don’t give ourselves space to reflect on how the change is impacting us personally.

This doesn’t require going on a two-day private retreat in the woods, but can simply be daily habits of journaling and quiet meditation – regularly giving ourselves a few minutes to pause and reflect. The importance of purpose came home to me as I rolled away from our home in Minnesota this past summer of 2016. 

Our two years in Minnesota had not only been rich in relationships, but also surprisingly short. God has been very clear that there were many good reasons He was calling us to a global popcorn adventure in China, more details on that here. However, there was real grief from leaving the intimacy of our known communities in Minnesota for numerous unknowns in China.      

As the moving truck rolled down the road to leave Minneapolis, I said a silent prayer. I asked God for equal parts grief and faith – “Help me to mourn the loss of a season that was so sweet with countless evidences of your care for our family.” I also asked for God’s practical help - “Help me also to see how to take what I’ve learned in Minnesota and carry it with me to where you are calling our family next.” 

As I jotted this prayer down in my personal journal I began to realize that there were habits I had cultivated in Minnesota that I want to carry with me to China, including:

• 1) Having “off-line” time each morning and evening for daily meditation and reflection
• 2) Making time every month for consistent "Daddy Dates" with each of our four kids 
• 3) Regularly connecting with men who want to better lead their families and communities 

Not surprisingly, I quickly noted that each of these three habits were connected to three key areas of my purpose – personal development, family relationships and community impact. As I began to reflect on this connection, I realized that

purpose fuels habits

In other words, our ability to focus beyond our immediate circumstances or emotions doesn’t just happen by accident; it must be cultivated in our daily lives. At the same time these habits can’t survive on their own – as though I could simply will myself to a commitment of 30 minutes in “off-line” meditation every day. This habit of meditation will cease to be meaningful, if it is not connected to a larger purpose.

In the next post, I will further explore this connection between purpose and habits, especially as it relates to practical matters like how we spend our time. In the meantime, I am curious to hear the perspective of others. 

Do habits help fuel your larger purpose? If so, which habits are most important? 

What practical steps have helped you to form habits connected to your purpose?

Originally published here via LinkedIn on May 1, 2017

One Tip for Effective Communication in China: The Rule of Three

Effective communication requires engagement from both ends of the communication cycle—both the ability to send a message and receive feedback from your audience. Using this cycle to reach a common understanding is more of an art than a science—even when we communicate with others from our home culture. However, it is even more challenging when communicating cross-culturally in China.

Communications Cycle

Image Source: Living Well Education

A key communications difference is the Chinese emphasis on maintaining a good relationship, which generally comes across through indirect communications where messages are communicated more subtly. However, typical American communications focuses on details and efficiency in a style that is more direct. In my experience, adjusting to the Chinese communication style is more effective than forcing Chinese friends or colleagues to adjust to the American default. This adjustment may honestly feel like a waste of time as it means personal interactions may take longer, but is a critical way to build relationships of trust with Chinese connections. 

One Tip: The Rule of Three

A practice that helped my interaction with Chinese friends and colleagues is the rule of three - asking about the same topic three different times in three different ways".  I first learned of this concept through an invaluable class called "Connecting across Cultures" from Global Savvy and it has proved to be an invaluable practice.

Image Source: Germane Consulting

Case in Point: Lunch Plans

In question— arranging lunch with a group of coworkers.

In America this question is typically resolved in short order through a direct dialogue centered around everyone's availability. If your colleagues, aren't available, you identify a time when everyone is available in the near future and update calendars accordingly. However, while living in China over 8 years I discovered this question was not so simple.

A Typical Lunch Dialogue in China

Step 1 (10 am): A general question followed by a vague answer

Question - "Hey, what's the plan for lunch today?”

Answer – "I don't know."

Follow Up - "Ok. Well, keep me posted."

Step 2 (11 am): A more specific question followed by a still murky answer

Question - "So about what time are you thinking about going to lunch today?"

Answer – "Probably before 12."

Follow Up - "Got it. I'll check back in a bit.

Step 3 (11:45 am): An even more specific question followed by going to lunch.

Question – "So where are we going for lunch?

Answer - "Either the Sichuan place or the spicy fish place."

Follow Up - "Great. Either works for me. Let's go!"

In the end, we may go to a completely different restaurant! However, when lunch involved a group, the communication was indirect and required me to ask at least two times before arriving at a clear answer. This does not mean that Chinese people always communicate in an indirect fashion, but in social activities for a group indirect communication is the default. Adjusting to this style was difficult, especially because such indirect communication is not the default for most people in America.

Broader Applications at Work

While this post has focused on a lunch dialogue, I also found the rule of three helpful when discussing projects at work. If I simply asked a direct question, I may have received a prompt reply, but the feedback either created inaccurate perceptions or misunderstandings. If we dig deeper into the source of these communication differences it comes back to the way the Chinese person views relationships. In the next post, we will explore in more depth the major differences on how these two cultures view relationships.

Taking Your Guanxi / Relationship Building On-Line

Guanxi or personal relationships are one of the three cultural keys (Relationship, Face and Hierarchy) that will help us work effectively with Chinese colleagues - See this June 2013 post for more details.  I want to build on my June 2013 post to look at relationship building within the context of China's workplace today.  Today the workplace in China is increasing influenced by social technology tools. However, like many things about the Chinese market, China's social technology landscape is unique and largely unknown to non-Chinese consumers.  Honestly, how many people outside of China - myself included - have ever heard of any of the popular social technology brands listed in the image below?

 Source: Digital Strategy Consulting Post - November 28, 2012

Context: Social Technology in China is Growing

First, it is helpful to understand just how impactful social technology is in China today.  According to this post from the CEO of the internet marketing company ByReputation.com there were 597 million active social networking users in China as of July 2013.  What is more, the volume of information these users have created increased by 60% in 2012 alone.  In addition social media usage is more common than in the U.S. as 91% of China's online population has an account on a social media site compared to only 67% in the U.S.  Much of this staggering growth has been fueled by smartphone penetration where where according to this video produced by the PR company GroupM there were over 360 million mobile internet users in 2011.  In addition, this number is expected to overtake PC netizens by 2015.  What is more, the same report indicates that smartphone users typically check their phones every 6 minutes and 38% of smartphone users spend more than 5 hours a day on their phones.  Clearly, if you are going to connect with Chinese colleagues today, you need to actively jump into social technology.  

The question is - how do you properly harness the value of external social technology activity to drive deeper connection to your Chinese colleagues?  

Connecting with Chinese Colleagues

First, pick a platform. A few years ago all the rage was about micro blogging on Sina's Weibo, which functions a lot like a mashup of Facebook and Twitter. However, in the last year WeChat has become the tool of choice due to its simple mobile interface and the ability to limit the information you share to a specific group of followers. Personally, I think WeChat is the best choice unless you aim to become a serious Chinese blogger or follow the Chinese language news closely.  For a full list of social media platforms popular in China, see great list from the ByReputation.com CEO in this infograph.

Second, determine how much and with who you want to share.  As I learned from my "Facebook Fast", you don't need to share all of your thoughts or experiences on social media. Before you jump in take some time to think about the type of things you want to share. Personally, I am currently focusing on humorous or puzzling aspects of Chinese culture and actively asking my co-workers about their thoughts on what I post.  Also take time to think about your target audience.  Who are the key individuals or groups that you want to connect with.  One practical action I took was to lead the creation of a WeChat community for the colleagues with whom I frequently sit in the office.

Finally, connect your social media conversations to real life.  Don't passively view or merely comment on what your colleagues post, but ask them about it in person.  Also take your off-line activity and place it back on-line.  Your relationship with your colleagues will be strengthened even further if you share information and pictures from a shared experience like a team outing or trip to the local Karaoke Bar.  

Why This Matters: The greatest value from following the social media activities of your colleagues is to gain a deeper personal connection. While in the West this might be seen as intrusive or crowding into our personal space, in China it provides critical relational context that will directly benefit your working relationships.

What about you? 

How are you using social technology to connect with your Chinese colleagues?  Have you discovered any best practices for deepening that connection?

If you have an experience you would like to share, please post it below or send me an e-mail at joabmeyer@global.t-bird.edu.

Beyond Bai Jiu: 3 Keys to Connecting with Your Chinese Colleagues

On a blustery winter evening in early 1998 I was first introduced to both Bai Jiu (Chinese hard liquor) and the concept of "guan xi" or relationship.  As I choked down a few shots of Bai Jiu , which tasted like a combination of paint thinner and rubbing alcohol, I started to wonder just why we needed to drink with these local government officials and how in the world this was going to help us conduct the audit of our micro loan project.

What I have discovered since is connecting with Chinese co-workers can be confusing and even require you to step out of your comfort zone ;whether it is drinking Bai Jiu or singing Karaoke.  I have also found three keys to connecting with your Chinese co-workers.  Whether they are co-workers or customers, if we want to connect with Chinese colleagues, we must understand these three keys.  If we don't, we will further complicate the already difficult business environment in China.

Three Keys to Connecting with Chinese Co-Workers or Customers

Recently, a friend invited me to appear on a TV show here in Shanghai called "Culture Matters" to discuss my experience working with and for Chinese colleagues here in China.  During the show, the other guests and I discussed a variety of topics, but what is most relevant to this post are specific examples that highlight the three keys to connecting with Chinese co-workers or customers. 

• 1) Relationships - Importance of Personal Interactions: Personal connections or relationships are important in a Western work environment, but "guan xi" or relationships in China carry different expectations.  There are two clear examples discussed in the show: Bai Jiu and Duck Necks.  In video 2 (time stamp 7:45), a member of the audience and Jie LIang explains why it is important to drink with your Chinese business associates.  The key idea is that it provides a relaxed setting with your Chinese associate and an opportunity to more clearly define your relationship with them through the shared experience of a meal.  This is also why bringing snacks like duck necks back to the office after a trip, which is discussed in video 4 at time stamp 0:30, is important.  Both Bai Jiu and duck necks are shared experiences that help define and develop your relationship.   

• 2) Deference to Authority - Preservation of "Face": Saving face or showing respect to others does exist in the the West.  For example, we may apologize if we have said something that other's have found offensive or use especially polite language when discussing a sensitive topic.  However, the added twist in China is a connection to hierarchy.  It is not only about whether what you are saying is offensive, but also the hierarchy of those speaking. For example, when Andrew Curtain talked about raising a suggestion to visiting foreign executives in front of his Chinese boss in video 3 (time stamp 3:14), he was causing his boss to lose face. However, the reason his boss lost face was not due to Andrew's comments themselves, but because from the Chinese perspective Andrew's position was lower on the company hierarchy than both his boss and the visiting executives.

• 3) Hierarchy - Respect for Status and Seniority: From my perspective, successfully navigating hierarchy is the most challenging part of Chinese culture.  As I mentioned in video 2 (time stamp 14:20), a clear example of hierarchy can be found in an important report, which I worked on extensively over a number of weeks, but never understood why we were compiling.  What was most shocking was the fact my direct boss not only didn't know how our report was received by senior management, but also told me it was none of our business! In that situation it would seem that the hierarchy was such that my boss and I were too low in the department hierarchy to learn about the outcome of the meeting.  

What Does Your Experience Look Like?

Given the fact the number of foreigners working and living in China has grown in recent years, I would be eager to hear others' experience in this area.  Has understanding these three keys help you connect with Chinese colleagues?  If so, how have you successfully used them?  What else have you found helpful?

Next Post

Working with Chinese colleagues can be complex, but I believe understanding the influence of these three keys will help us successfully navigate this ancient yet ever-changing landscape.  In my next post, I will explore best practices for navigating these cultural differences. If you have an experience you would like to share, please post it below or send me an e-mail at joabmeyer@global.t-bird.edu.

Culture Matters Video Links

• Culture Matters: Part 1 
• Culture Matters: Part 2  (I enter at the 10:56 Time Stamp)
• Culture Matters: Part 3 (I exit at the 5:56 Time Stamp)
• Culture Matters: Part 4

Additional Resources:  Sites I Have Found Helpful in Creating This Post

• Doing Business in China 
• W3's "Working Effectively With China"