Beyond Bai Jiu: 3 Keys to Connecting with Your Chinese Colleagues

On a blustery winter evening in early 1998 I was first introduced to both Bai Jiu (Chinese hard liquor) and the concept of "guan xi" or relationship.  As I choked down a few shots of Bai Jiu , which tasted like a combination of paint thinner and rubbing alcohol, I started to wonder just why we needed to drink with these local government officials and how in the world this was going to help us conduct the audit of our micro loan project.

What I have discovered since is connecting with Chinese co-workers can be confusing and even require you to step out of your comfort zone ;whether it is drinking Bai Jiu or singing Karaoke.  I have also found three keys to connecting with your Chinese co-workers.  Whether they are co-workers or customers, if we want to connect with Chinese colleagues, we must understand these three keys.  If we don't, we will further complicate the already difficult business environment in China.

Three Keys to Connecting with Chinese Co-Workers or Customers

Recently, a friend invited me to appear on a TV show here in Shanghai called "Culture Matters" to discuss my experience working with and for Chinese colleagues here in China.  During the show, the other guests and I discussed a variety of topics, but what is most relevant to this post are specific examples that highlight the three keys to connecting with Chinese co-workers or customers. 

• 1) Relationships - Importance of Personal Interactions: Personal connections or relationships are important in a Western work environment, but "guan xi" or relationships in China carry different expectations.  There are two clear examples discussed in the show: Bai Jiu and Duck Necks.  In video 2 (time stamp 7:45), a member of the audience and Jie LIang explains why it is important to drink with your Chinese business associates.  The key idea is that it provides a relaxed setting with your Chinese associate and an opportunity to more clearly define your relationship with them through the shared experience of a meal.  This is also why bringing snacks like duck necks back to the office after a trip, which is discussed in video 4 at time stamp 0:30, is important.  Both Bai Jiu and duck necks are shared experiences that help define and develop your relationship.   

• 2) Deference to Authority - Preservation of "Face": Saving face or showing respect to others does exist in the the West.  For example, we may apologize if we have said something that other's have found offensive or use especially polite language when discussing a sensitive topic.  However, the added twist in China is a connection to hierarchy.  It is not only about whether what you are saying is offensive, but also the hierarchy of those speaking. For example, when Andrew Curtain talked about raising a suggestion to visiting foreign executives in front of his Chinese boss in video 3 (time stamp 3:14), he was causing his boss to lose face. However, the reason his boss lost face was not due to Andrew's comments themselves, but because from the Chinese perspective Andrew's position was lower on the company hierarchy than both his boss and the visiting executives.

• 3) Hierarchy - Respect for Status and Seniority: From my perspective, successfully navigating hierarchy is the most challenging part of Chinese culture.  As I mentioned in video 2 (time stamp 14:20), a clear example of hierarchy can be found in an important report, which I worked on extensively over a number of weeks, but never understood why we were compiling.  What was most shocking was the fact my direct boss not only didn't know how our report was received by senior management, but also told me it was none of our business! In that situation it would seem that the hierarchy was such that my boss and I were too low in the department hierarchy to learn about the outcome of the meeting.  

What Does Your Experience Look Like?

Given the fact the number of foreigners working and living in China has grown in recent years, I would be eager to hear others' experience in this area.  Has understanding these three keys help you connect with Chinese colleagues?  If so, how have you successfully used them?  What else have you found helpful?

Next Post

Working with Chinese colleagues can be complex, but I believe understanding the influence of these three keys will help us successfully navigate this ancient yet ever-changing landscape.  In my next post, I will explore best practices for navigating these cultural differences. If you have an experience you would like to share, please post it below or send me an e-mail at joabmeyer@global.t-bird.edu.

Culture Matters Video Links

• Culture Matters: Part 1 
• Culture Matters: Part 2  (I enter at the 10:56 Time Stamp)
• Culture Matters: Part 3 (I exit at the 5:56 Time Stamp)
• Culture Matters: Part 4

Additional Resources:  Sites I Have Found Helpful in Creating This Post

• Doing Business in China 
• W3's "Working Effectively With China" 

Thoughts on Social Media After my "Fastbook Fast"

Does it ever feel like checking your Facebook Wall to "like" your "friends" newest silly picture or share your personal commentary on world events is a mild addiction that you can't kick!? 

To be honest, for me back in February I could sense these sort of tenancies arising in my heart.

In my February 12, 2013 post I began to explore how technology can be used as a tool to connect with others and increase our personal productivity.  However, after discussing some of the issues in that post with my wife, we jointly made the decision to "fast" or abstain from viewing or posting on Facebook as part of lent.  

I went into the fast holding a number of convictions on how to best use social media.  However, now that I have come to the end of six weeks without Facebook, I wanted to reflect on key lessons I learned from this "Facebook Fast".  I especially want to talk about how it has changed my personal convictions about the best way to use social media to build connections with others and how to avoid those addictive tendencies moving forward.    

"Facebook Fast" Takeaways
  
I would capture my lessons learned about Facebook into two camps - the first is largely a list of things to avoid and the second those I want to embrace. 

#1 With Facebook I don't...

• Need to comment on everything that happens - either in my personal life or in world news.  Sometimes, it is ok to just let something your kids said be funny or simply share it with your family or friends the old fashion way - over phone or e-mail.  Furthermore, when crazy things happen - like North Korean launching a "We are the World" music video - it can just be funny and you don't have to tell the world your personal opinion on the matter.

• Gain as much satisfaction on-line as through face to face interaction: When I chose not to follow what was happening in people's lives through Facebook, my face to face interaction with them became even more precious.  I enjoyed discovering what they were thinking or feeling for the first time without having already read about it on-line.  What is more, I was reminded just how much more satisfying it is to have a face to face conversation.  You can understand a bit about how your friend is feeling about moving back to the U.S. after living in China for years by following their Facebook feed.  However, sitting down and talking with them about their feelings, provides a much richer experience. 

• Need to eat when I am not hungry.  I have heard it said that "Facebook has become the equivalent to standing in front of the fridge and looking for something to eat when you aren't actually hungry."  I found this to be very true during my fast.  Yes, I felt lonelier, especially at first, but I soon realized that what I was missing was largely trivial interactions.  These interactions largely provided a way to feed my urge to gather a large quantity of information or served as a distraction from things I was procrastinating.  I often succeeded in gaining information, but it was far from satisfying, especially if it wasn't related to someone with whom I had a on-going, real life connection.          

#2 With Facebook I Do...

• Learn - Staying in Touch:  Facebook is a powerful tool to stay up to date on the photos, funny moments and general thoughts of my family, friends and others I can learn from.  Without Facebook I missed seeing pictures of my growing new-born niece and the latest funny story from my friend who seems to pick up China news stories before the mainstream media.  

• Share - A Convenient Platform: I want a platform to quickly share information with a wide group of people I have a connection to (IE: blog postings, funny pictures or experiences).  During my "Facebook Fast" I had to find other ways to share this information with others.  While there is still merit in traditional tools like e-mail, one of the major values of Facebook is that it is convenient. 

Facebook Ambitions Moving Forward

With these experiences there are at least two things I aim to change when it comes to how I use Facebook

• #1 Be Intentional:  Before I even point my browser to Facebook, I want to have a clear purpose in mind for how I plan to use the site to share or connect with others.  If I can't think of something specific to share or someone in particular that I was to connect with, then I don't need to get on the site.

• #2 Set Limits: Facebook is one of many tools I can use to connect with those around me; therefore, it is healthy to set limits as to how much and for what purposes I use it.  
• The first part of the limits are natural - if I have not had a significant conversation with my wife or children, today I need to prioritize interaction with them over any interaction I might be able to gain on-line.    
• The other part of the limits are more mechanical.  In this area, one of the best tools recommended to me is the Pomodoro Technique.  You can learn more on their website, but the big idea is to use a timer to rotate between 25 minutes of "work" and 5 minutes of "non-work" activities.  It works best when I have tasks that are primarily my responsibility to complete.  The Pomodoro Timer app on Google Chrome as helps me stay focused and avoid the temptation to go on Facebook or other "non-work" sites during a time I have designated for focusing on work.  In fact, if you try to go on any non-work sites it will block you with a pomodoro tomato!    

Community Question 

So what do you think?  Do you have any tips that help you use social media like Facebook in a healthy way?  How do you use social media to build significant connections with those around you?

Fathers Build Community

I am passionate about intentionally building community. Personally, I believe community building begins with our families. Recently, I had the opportunity to speak at a special community gathering here in Shanghai when the International Church of Shanghai (ICS) organized an "Aquarium Sleep Over" for children and their fathers. I was delighted to not only join the event with our two oldest children, but also speak to the fathers.

The Kids and I - Tired and Happy After Our "Aquarium Sleep Over"

 

There were two key points in the "Father's Talk" I gave to the 40 or so fathers who attended the sleepover event.

Vision: Why Fathers Matter

First, I shared some facts about the importance of fathers by looking at the impact of "Fatherless Homes" on children. I highlighted the following:

1) Size and History: “At least 24 million children in America -- one out of three -- live in biological father-absent homes.” (Fatherhood.org) In addition, “children living in mother-only households has risen from 8 percent in 1960 to 23 percent in 2010.” (Freakanomics)

2) Impact to the Economy: “Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44 percent of children in mother-only families.”  (Fatherhood.org)

3) Impact to Society: “Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households.”  (Fatherhood.org)

These tidbits are only the tip of the iceberg – a more complete list can be found here – but the key idea is that fathers make a significant impact on their families and communities as a whole. To keep it relevant to the fathers at the aquarium (and myself), I focused not on the problem in general, but specific tools we can use to make an impact on our own kids.

Key Tool: Spend Time with Your Kids

I suggested that intentionally spending focused time with our kids is one of the best ways to impact their lives. I highlighted two specific time slots I regularly reserve to spend time with our kids:

1) Daily: One of my daily highlights is reading to our kids before they go to bed. The kids pick the book or series they want to read and we rotate between the books that our older two kids have picked. Several of the series that our kids (and I) have especially enjoyed include the Chronicles of Narnia, the Wingfeather Saga and the 100 Cupboard Series.

2) Monthly: Another time slot we carve out is monthly Daddy Dates (for the girls) or Guy Time (for the boys).  The aim of this time is to take the kids individual out to spend focused time with them.  Not only does this time provide deeper insights into the concerns the children have, but it also helps me see the unique passions and gifts of each child.  With our oldest daughter (who is 10) the talk is about how I will help her find a husband, but with our oldest son (who is 7) we are pretending to blow up stuff!

After the event, I recognized that there is a third way of spending time with our kids that I have also found helpful:

 

3) On the Road:  I also seek to take advantage of common tasks to spend time with the kids.  For example, recently I started to take our 3 year old daughter with me on my monthly run to the bank.  While they aren’t a full blown “Daddy Date” they do provide an opportunity to spend more time with the kids and they usually make a mundane task more enjoyable!

That Sounds Ideal, But What Do You Do When You Fail

In all of these activities, I recognize the need to have guidelines for when things don’t go well.  Honestly, I am not always thrilled to read a bed time story or take a child with me on an errand.  There are times when I want them to just shut off the lights and “GO TO BED” because I have been trying to put them to bed for the past hour!  Yet, when I do fail to treat them as I should, I strive to be honest about my failings by telling them I have wrong them and asking for their forgiveness. 

In addition to honesty, another principle that is incredibly helpful is partnership with my wife.  Often times, I don’t know how to solve an issue with the kids and my wife will have a far better (and usually simpler) solution.  I am learning that rather than trying to ram-rod my guidance to the kids down their throat, it is far more effective to ask my wife for help.

 What is Your Take?

So, where do you land on this issue of the impact father’s can make on their kids through intentionally spending time with them?  What practical methods do you currently use to invest in the children in your life – whether as a parent or just an adult investing in the life of a child you love?

Technology as a Productivity Tool

Does getting on-line ever feel overwhelming like this "hyper-connected' guy below? 

Personally, I have felt this way, but in this post I  want to add technology to the mix of tools I began to address in this January 25^th post on the power of personal goals and mono-tasking (focusing on one thing at a time) to make an impact on those around you.  Specifically, I want to focus on how we can leverage technology tools such as e-mail, social media and video to further enhance our ability to connect with others and increase our productivity.

 

Practically I aim to use the following practices to extract the benefits of technology to develop my mono-tasking abilities:

1)    Information Stewardship:  E-mail and social media (especially Twitter and Facebook) provide a flood of information that threatens to overwhelm us every day.  However, there are two practices I use to properly direct this flood so that it enables me to effectively connect with others and accomplish my priority tasks.

a)      Keep E-mail Caged:  First, I have disabled the sound and flashing icon that accompanies every new e-mail so that I don't go to Outlook like a “Pavlovian Puppy” when I receive an e-mail.  Instead I strive to check it between meetings and prioritized tasks.  For other great e-mail practices, check out the 10 best practices in this E-mail Charter - my person favorite is the suggestion to “tighten the thread” by picking up the phone if the issue can’t be resolved in three e-mails.

     

b)     Use Social Media with a Purpose: Rather than being “on” Facebook or Twitter all the time, I attempt to log in only when I have a specific purpose and not linger longer than necessary.  In addition, I seek to prioritize my social media activity into my day; in fact, I find when I am more deliberate about the key things I want to accomplish in a given day, social media often doesn’t make the list.  It is true that social media can be a great way to connect with others, especially those who you are unable to see in person, but many times a personal e-mail or (gasp) a phone call can be a much more effective way to connect with others.

2)    Be present, be honest and show your video:

a)         Be Present: In meetings, I strive to give my undivided attention to the people before me.  In our hyper-connected world it is easy to fall into the trap that I can focus on more than one thing at a time (my e-mail and the person talking to me on the phone), but as this 10 minute TED film called Brain Power illustrates attention is the brain’s most important resource.        

b)     Be Honest: Unfortunately, I can’t always focus on the person I am speaking with and need to attend to other urgent issues.  When that is the case, I aim to be honest with the person in front of me by asking for time to conduct an additional task during the meeting.  For example, “Can you excuse me for a second, I need to wrap up this IM chat before we start our conversation.”

c)      Use Video: According to research by Albert Mehrabian when we talk about feelings or attitudes face to face, 55% of our meaning is conveyed through non-verbal communication.  This means in a world where the vast majority of my work meetings are virtual, I am cutting off over half of my ability to fully convey the meaning of my attitudes when I don’t show my video.  When bandwidth allows I will always show my video to ensure I am maximizing my ability to connect with those I am meeting with.       

Your Opinion: I would love to hear others thoughts on this topic.  Do you see the above two uses of technology as effective ways to connect with others and accomplish your personal goals?  Do you have other methods that you find helpful?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this, whether here in this blog or e-mailing me directly (joabmeyer@global.t-bird.edu). 

Moving Beyond New Year's Resolutions

When you hear the word "New Year's Resolution" do you feel like Calvin (the little boy) in this picture?

If I am honest with myself, I often hold this sort of an attitude towards resolutions, especially if they require me to change.  Given that we are nearly a month into the New Year, I thought it was timely to take stock of personal changes that we may have aspired to in the heady hours of New Year ’s Eve.

Personally I am skeptical of ad hoc resolutions that aren’t rooted in a long term plan. In fact, rather than talking about New Year’s resolutions I think we should focus on our on-going personal goals and the simple technology of wisely using our calendars.

Recently I have discovered the value in what I call “mono-tasking”. My thinking was encouraged by this New York Times article on "mindfulness" that debunks the myth of effective multi-tasking. In fact, it highlighted several studies that show how multi-tasking actually decreases productivity. The biggest idea I took away was the need to focus on the task before you and be present with the person you are with - either virtually over the phone or in person.

Practically I strive to use the following practices to develop my mono-tasking abilities:

1) Have annual goals and keep them updated:

I look at my personal goals around New Year’s by reviewing key priorities – that transcend a specific year.  I then look for ways to focus my activities throughout the day around these priorities. At work, I am thoughtful about my annual performance plan and continually seek input from my manager on where my personal priorities line up with the larger goals of my team and the company as a whole. Setting goals is an on-going process of re-prioritizing through on-going dialogue with my family at home and with my manager and key stakeholders at work.

I have also found Peter Bregman work called “18 minutes” very helpful in identifying key priorities and connecting them to your schedule. If reading another book on time management overwhelms you (as it does me), you can get a great summary of Mr. Bregman’s book in this HBR Ideacast from January 2012.

2) Use a master task list:

Every day I strive to organize my day around a master task list that is connected to my annual goals. My thought is that unless it ends up on my calendar, it is not truly prioritized. I aim to regularly check throughout the day to see if the task I am doing is still the most critical. Peter Bregman also has a great tool that helps you to check in on how your goals align to your calendar called “The 18 Minute Daily Template”.

So what do you think?

Is their value in New Year's resolutions and what practical tools do you use to accomplish your goals?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this, whether here in this blog or e-mailing me directly (joabmeyer@global.t-bird.edu). 

Next Post:  I plan to talk about how we can leverage technology tools such as video and e-mail to further enhance our ability to connect with others and achieve our personal goals.

Leadership Lessons from Huge Grace - Dec 2, 2012

In May 2011 I began co-leading monthly visits to Shanghai Huge Grace Disabled Children Welfare Center (上海广慈残疾儿童福利院), which is commonly referred to as Huge Grace.  It began as a way to build a personal connection for the friends and members of the International Church of Shanghai (ICS) with an organization ICS had begun financially supporting in 2009 by paying for children’s surgeries. 

As I transitioned out of leadership this past weekend, I reflected on some of the key things I learned after taking nearly 150 individual volunteers down to Huge Grace over a year and a half.  As I review the list, what strikes me is the broad application of these skills to my personal and professional development.    

I would highlight at least three key things:

1) Work as a Team and Leverage Personal Talents and Passions:  Not only did I have an incredible co-leader who could leverage his unique strengths to focus on working with the orphanage director and his staff, but each month a volunteer brought unique gifts that I tried to leverage as much as possible.  Whether it was a preschool teacher who had a passion to play games with the younger kids or my local friend who became passionate about helping the less fortunate for the first time, each volunteer brought you particular talents and passions that made each trip unique.

2) Actively Listen, Continuously Tweaking and Personal Ownership:  Early on I decided to have a brief time of group reflection at the end of our time.  One of the key activities was asking “What practical things can we do to improve the impact of our next visit?”  Through actively listening and (most importantly responding) to the suggestions given, we came up with several marvelous “tweaks” to our monthly visits. 

Whether it was deciding to use a curriculum to teach the older kids (rather than picking an ad-hoc topic each month), brining simple instruments to sing songs with the younger kids or developing a booklet with a picture and short description of each child, there were incredible solutions that emerged as we gave everyone a chance to suggest how we could improve.  Furthermore, when someone’s suggestion was acted upon, especially if it was acted on by the one who suggested it, there was a noticeable increase in that person’s engagement the next time they visited.

3) Communicate Your Vision (The “Why”) and Your Plan (The “What”):  Each trip would begin with a short briefing where I would explain both the “Why” and the “What”.  Clearly there are benefits to explaining the basic “What” of the trip – the schedule, the details of the activities we will do with the kids.  However, I also saw a lot of benefit in clearly communicating the “Why” – going back time and again to communicate the overarching vision of each trip. 

There was clear benefit to the volunteers understanding not only that we wanted to obey the Bible that tells us true religion is to visit orphans in their distress (James 1:27), but also that we wanted to “have committed volunteers who can build a relationship with specific children and play a part in their educational development.”  The articulation of the “Why” help to clearly define the specific ways in which we were providing a small degree of assistance to orphans who had significant needs far beyond what we could address comprehensively.

Conclusion: Leadership requires working as a team, listening and responding to suggestions for improvement as well as clear communication of both the “What” and the “Why”.  It is my sincere prayer that has I move from orphanage volunteer work to volunteer work with children in our community who come from broken homes I would be able to carry these lessons with me.  What a gift to have such opportunities – both for my personal development, but more importantly so that I could play a role (even if small) in impacting the less fortunate around me.

Below is one of my favorite pictures from Huge Grace.  These are girls from the elementary aged classroom who were particularly active participants in our teaching time.